How Long Should I Wait For a Real Commitment?

06.03.2019 2 Comments

6 Years...2 Kids & Still NO Proposal!

Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Verified by - Valley Girl With a Brain. At the time, I considered this less a threat and more a way to expedite the inevitable- marriage , family, an otherwise perfect union. In her case, it had proven a successful strategy. On the final day of the ultimatum, he presented me not with a ring and a proposal, but the promise of one day soon. When I expressed my disappointment, he chided me for giving him an ultimatum at all.

I have a child of my own 13 and do not want anymore children. All of his relationships have been anywhere from years with no marriages. Keep in mind this man is 48 and I am Just need some advice. Thank you so much for this article! I have bin with my man for almost 10 years I have had to watch my friends and family one by one walk down the aisle and it has caused me a great deal of pain. We lived together for 5 years, and were together for 6 years.

In summer I said: 6 months to think - lets get married or lets break up. One year after break up he wrote me letters, we talked In spetember he proposed to our common friend and in he married her!!! We broke up a few years back due to disagreements of marriage and when. We got back together with a compromise but 3 years later still nothing.

Reason being we need to be financially ready- meaning a house. We ended up moving for my job and getting close to buying a house, only to have him relocate for a promotion in his job. What hurts is he has to think about it. Please help! Been waiting since year 3.

He had me pick out a really affordable ring. We got pregnant which was fine at the time because we were getting engaged anyhow. It never happened. If I could go back I would have left when I found out. I feel all alone like a single mom except for finances. At baby shower I felt ridiculous without that ring and him being there. At the babies birth I debated not having him there.

I ended up giving the baby his last name. Huge mistake. Our son is almost two now. Since his birth I have no stopped asking him when when when. He looks at me quietly. He insists we are getting married. Nothing ever happens. Last year his aunts embarrassed me putting me on he spot calling me his wife and asking when the wedding was. Our son was a few months then.

And the year before I was there 7 months pregnant! Why is he even with me??? Thousands of dollars. This would seem fine if A. If you want me to be a true single mom then get out of my house! I feel so stuck here. I feel used! Like he used my body as a baby factory for him!

Forget women using men and trapping them by getting pregnant. This is the other way around! He insists he will prooose by then. He also said he would propose back at my bday in September. We are both 34 and he wants another baby! I said no sorry no way it will happen. I found this article because I am searching for answers. I am dating my biyfriends for almost 1. We talked about concerns we have.

Sounds like we both want to get married and have a family, he defiantly wants to have kids.

Feel like you can't get him (or yourself) to commit? Here's how to tell if your relationship is not on the right never talk about relationship advice, when to break up, relationship trouble, dating, love and sex. Today. õ how-long-is-too-long-to-stay-in-a-relati. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and been living I'm not doubting his love or commitment to me, he just moved miles.

The key here is my age! I am almost 40, so the time is very critical for having kids he states he wants kids for sure! The longer we date the less chance I can get pregnant! I mentioned few times but he seems no rush! Any suggestions? We began our relationship at a rocky time in our lives, when we both had just graduated college and the economy was horrendous.

We had been trying to move in together for a few years prior. We are both perfectly content with our relationship. Marriage is not a priority for me. Who says you have to be married to be committed? Who says you have to marry at all? At our 3rd year he proposed to me and then 4 months later he called the wedding off. You are sooo right! I think someone knows if it will work out barring any major mental issues within 1. If a man or woman is unable to commit at this point, it is time to let them go.

They are trash, and KNOW they are trash. Most people I know who are married, said they could tell within 6 months if this was the right person or not. Relationships are built on trust, respect, and shared life goals and interests. If someone really loves you- they commit. I see this more in women then men, but it happens to them too. A bad boy will always remain a bad boy. Anyhow, I was miserable without him. Hi Ginger, I have been dating a guy from my senior year in high school and its will be 10 years this summer.

Every time I talk about or even mention marriage he seems to ignore me. We live together since our early twenties and things seem to be going along but now I am looking for more.

Omg I know the feeling!!! No commitment, no security, no future! I kick myself all the time. Thanks for your honest and insightful post. His primary relationship is with his older sister, and his future plans include family, but not me. If I really want a commitment, then I need to make my timeline clear and stick to it.

I am curious as to what you finally ended up doing and what your situation is now. We truly love each other and vaguely talk of spending our lives together, however things have reached a point where they are comfortable for him and I do not see much of an effort on his part to take things to the next level. It seems that there is always something that deviates his focus from moving forward.

He has his business, an older sister who spends a couple of days a every week at his place, his hobbies and activities that keep him busy, and his dog who is like his second child. He thinks that the longer we wait, the better our chance of staying together forever. I just wish I had some idea of when he thinks he will be ready. I was thinking it was all probably fine and that your April plan might be okay until I read that line.

I think its time for a serious discussion where you tell him that you are already questionning his intentions and his feelings for you. He needs to know that you are serious about leaving if you cant get married and telling him what you said about the lease being up is the best way to do that. Ask him what he is waiting for because it obviously isnt money for a ring. Is he doubting that he wants marriage in general, is he afraid of taking responsibility or is he unsure of the relationship?

You said you want children together, what is his ideal timeline for this if you are to get married before TTC? Im so sorry that you are going through this, and you are perfectly justified in bringing up an ultimatum as awful as they are.

I really hope it all works out for you and that he realises what he wants before its too late. Your relationship is your own. Besides, you get this ring and what did he get?

Months of sacrificing things he wanted? Some Bees would tell you to be quiet, not say anything, and hope that your SO will magically end up on the same page as you at some point. However I think that generally speaking, men are stronger and smarter than that. They know their own hearts and minds. At the end of the day, they do what they want to do - or not.


I find that notion to be ridiculous and frankly insulting to men. I would sit him down sometime in the next few days and have a talk with him. I would choose a time when he is in a good mood, and relaxed. Have a box of Kleenex handy. I would take a deep breath and tell him in the most kind and gentle way that I loved him with all of my heart, that our years together had been the best years of my life, and that I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him.

But that after five years together, I wanted to know what specifically what his plans and intentions were. Though he kinda proposed unofficially without a ring a year before that. However, both parties should be on the same page in terms of their own expectations.

There is no problem with wanting a committment within a certain amount of time, nor with not wanting any confining time limits. But a person should not be strung along and promised even half-heartedly promised something which cannot delivered. I waited TEN years to get engaged! I was 27 when I got engaged. If you love him and know he is the one, why the major rush? Just sit him down and ask him strait out when he wants to get married. You should be able to tell from his reactions what he really feels and thinks.

I feel like a lot of women have it in their heads that after a certain amount of time, a proposal SHOULD come, if its ever going to. That said, he needs to at least be sensitive to your feelings on this.

Just talk to him, nicely. I love Belinichics suggestion. WTH is this? Part of me wants to move on and part dont. I feel like I have everything I want but the title. But they would get the short end of the stick because we are always together. We go out on dates. I just dont get it. Its confusing. We also have a business together. Its like wtf do I do. DO I end it and move on because he wont give me a title or do I just enjoy what we have?

I want the damn title. Id like to get married again but knowing its just him and i committed secure is just as good right now. How can a guy give so much but not give anything? I disagree with this. I was like we do? That was that. The guy I was seeing not only introduced me to his family, but would talk about me to friends so much, that when I finally met them, they knew all about me and eager to meet me. Despite really liking him and wanting to be with him, I had enough self-value to end things then and there.

Ok so. I always do?! For example: he has introduced me to his family, we are in an exclusive relationship, and I definitely know the real him as I am very interested and supportive with his goals etc so he shares them with me. Should I be worried that he is not investing? Am I a door mat? End the relationship.

If you want someone to tell you they want to spend the rest of their life with you then end this relationship because that other guy is out there. But guess wat now the guy calls anytime even on weekends h calls me h even text I took the back seat n gave him the steering in this relationship I told him that its up to him to make it work bcoz I tried so many times to make us work n h is the one who failed.

Well, scratch that! He is with me and totally faithful. My partner who i live with doesnt have chit chat and tell me things like how his children are as they have rang him or text i have to constantly ask him if they are doing ok or have they been intouch. He never financialy gives me anything at end of a working week he makes me waight for days till i have nothing then i must ask for housekeeping money.

He also doesnt involve me in conversation over taking any hols from work or if hes been intouch with anyone im constantly asking or guessing he always assumes about issues like well were you going and assumes ive made plans before finding out by asking me and at tea times he never asks children if they want tea and makes his own anyway leaving it up too me i need advice on what hes actually doing this for pls help with any advice thank you. We reconnected on face book after knowing each other back in high school.

I have 3 kids and one lives with me. My 8 year old son. Idk what the heck is going on. He is leaving for the 2 time to visit his daughter in Los Angeles and I was not invited. Ive been seeing a guy for about 6 months and because of his work schedule we only see each other on Friday nights then he goes back to his place on Saturday morning because he works on Saturday nights graveyard shift Saturday through Wednesdays.

Is this a sign that this is not serious? He serenaded me. He played me a song he knows songs mean a lot to me that told me exactly how he felt about me. He said through the song that he wanted me by his side always so he would never have to feel alone again. He also told me via the song that even though people had tried to keep us apart his familyhe wanted to make up for the lost time. Sabrina, I have been dating a guy for three years. Long distance. And when we are together its great.

I asked what the status of our relationship was and he said he wants to continue dating me. I told him that by now I had expected to move onto the next phase of our relationship which was living together and that continuing to be with him I was not seeing or expecting this to happen especially when I want to get married and have a family.

This went on for 6 months. We kept in contact every once in awhile and eventually picked up where we left off. Should I date other guys and wait till he comes back and see what his decision is? Or just move on? Hi Sabrina, The guy I am dating matches 2 and 3 out of 5.

Do you think it is still a sign that he will never commit? I have some confusions about my guy friend we are really good friends from last 1year and on the other side we are friends with benefits also.

He does everything for me anything that makes me happy infact he says that he wants me to be happy and lighthearted. He says he wants to be with me forever. And he loves me as a friend. When I ask him does he love me more than a friend.

But the prob is when he gets too drunk he says he loves me he sees his future with me as a wife and he wants to be a best son-inlaw etc. Says I have some problems my circumstances are not good neither fanacially nor personally I will not be able to fulfill your needs. And sometimes he reacts so irritated. And ya he has family problems and financial problems with himself. I got 4 out of the 5 signs. He took me to meet his family for the holidays he surprised me on that one 2.

He takes me on amazing, well thought out dates. He is open to me about himself, family, friends. And he doesnt disappear for days or weeks. He even jokes about he and I, as old people and all. Like a boyfriend does. He gets little small jealousy bouts, if he sees guys checking me out. I have the classic situation, been with my boyfriend for over a year, however he took a sabbatical from work for a few months at the end of last year so we have just reconnected. I lived with a male friend that only wanted to be friends but we slept together and he never take me out anywhere and i wanted more.

Over the months i feel enlove with a man that has anger problems and nasty person that dont take care of hiself. Hes a felon ans getting ssi no job whatsoever and a failer of treating women so i left him be hind to get with my clingy enlove ex boyfriend who is a drug addict. Not the best choices. He is always telling me how much he loves me, he opens up to me and he does put the effort in when we go out on dates. The problem is that he works nights, so I only see him once a week.

He keeps putting off meeting my mother and I have yet to meet any of his family. Am I wasting my time here or is there some way of talking to him that will make him realise how important this issue is for me? Right now I am close to giving up on him because this behavior implies that I am not a priority in his life.

I have known this guy for about 10 months now and had been in love with him ever since i met him for the first time. I am a girl not into dating a lot of men, i had been on very few dates and had a bad experience into relationship wit a guy in the past.

However i felt relieved but could never move on. See him, but see other people too. Keep busy. Have a life outside of dating and by all means;Make yourself date other people!!!!

Except for an aunt. When I got into a romantic and sexual relationship my family relationships became even more strained. In short, while all of these points are great points and make a lot of sense in general terms, number 5 especially can become a lot more complicated if one or both people in a relationship are trans with conservative families and there are any further strains and complications on the situation.

I think this article especially could be made much more inclusive to people with less privileged backgrounds. Nothing is ever as simple as this. Hey Pertunia! Your problem here is your addiction to the jerk.

Do whatever you can to move on. Why should he? Move On and start dating others immediately, no matter how bad it hurts. Your life and quality of life is at stake here. Kick this guy to the curb. If he really does love you, he will come after you, if not, good riddance to bad rubbish. Do whatever you can to break that awful heroin type of relationship addiction!

I know this guy at gym. He works at a fitness school.

At least that's what I told my now husband on year five of our dating relationship. Meanwhile, my husband was enjoying our dating relationship, felt no urge to get . you need to stifle your desire for marriage or settle for years of waiting. Gentlemen Speak: Find Out How Commitment-Ready He Is with. After five years of dating, I told my boyfriend that if he didn't propose by No one can-except maybe someone who's going through it too. After 5 years with no proposal, it might be time for an ultimatum.

The first time we have met I was shy and more fat etc. He told me lessons about life and was very curious about me. Well for me it was love at first sight tho for him probably not coz I told him I like him. But he didnt like me that way tho he liked my personality and me being spontanous. We talk like everyday on whatsapp eventhough not big texts.

We see movies at my home he saw all my friends well he did see my whole life and still is close. He teases me a lot like a lottt and touches me a lot etc.

But from his side I just saw one of his best friend. I dont know him that much as he know me. Its frustrating for me especially I cant move on easily coz my mom likes him too and always ask to meet they asume im with them too and cHat with him too which i think is awkward. And he always give me hope. So what to do!? Im lost.

Wondering Why He Hasnít Proposed Yet? Remember These 5 Things

Hey girl, I have exactly the same advice for you as for Zanya etc. Get OUT!!!!! This guy is not into you and he is using you. I cried out for attention constantly never got a dinner or a movie never a hug out of the blue.

I cannot describe the way he made me feel. BUT since then he makes sure we spend everyday together. If we plan to go on a bike ride, but the weather is bad, he cooks me breakfast instead.

He is constantly texting and calling me, taking me out to eat, going on trips with me. We talk about our futures, our dreams our hopes our fears.

In fact the last time we broke up, he started to see the world more like I see it, things that are important to me he has started to do, learning languages, anti- human trafficking, non-profits He wants to start a business together and we always make travel plans together.

He has signed up to be in classes with me next semester and he serves me all of the time- he spent 2. I love him- but do I need to let him go? That, today at the end ofMcKenzie, is my story!

He has clearly said he does not want responsibility of a relationship right now, and he doesnt want to feel the need to report to someone all the time. Okay so I should just believe he is not ready to commit? What about if he does do these things above and has told me he is not ready?

One and four he has done as well. Then he has also done 3 and 2. He has gone MIA for almost a day and recently almost two days. So what am I supposed to believe? Lily, I am in the almost exact same boat. Maybe we can exchange stories. I wish I could figure out if I would be better off just moving on.

But I am falling inlove with him after 6 months. I just can not believe that it is me. I have asked him to his face do you just not want to be with me? And he says that is not it. It is that he is not ready to commit. We spent holidays and vacations together. He took me to family weddings and celebrations. He was jealous any time I started seeing someone. He would send me flowers, buy me gifts, take me out on dates. He would call me and keep me on the phone for hours, then make plans with me, act mushy, tell me how beautiful I am, AND then tell me he did not want a relationship right now.

This cycle was endless and soul-crushing and maddening. I wrote him off a year ago, telling him everything I felt and that I did not want to keep in touch anymore, secretly believing he would come chasing after me.

He did not. So maybe that is what I would tell you to do. Lay your feelings out there for him, walk away, do NOT call or text or email. I hope it works out better for you than it did for me. Was it worth it? Or did you regret anything. If you had the chance to do better would you? We are together for about 5 months now. Overall it looks good. And i met his child a couple times.

But in the same time, he always says he wants the relationship to remain simple. To keep things simple. I told him I was happy with the way things were, tht i was just saying something that i feel because i like spending time with him. What should I do? Until our 5th yr his sister told him what he was doing wasnt healthy for him or I. We have fun loving relationship fishing, singing, kidding around, very loving to something said taken the wrong way to an explosion argument but this time I left his home this has happened 2x this last event has left me feeling what am I doing?

Am I just paranoid? I need some outside thoughts.

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years. for you to walk this tightrope, investing more and more time with a man who is not ready to commit. Thus, the. 5. "My boyfriend and I have been together six years, no ring. I spent 4 monogamous committed years in my mid 20s with my ex (5 years together in total?) We postponed the original move in date for an entire year, and he.

Hey Elizabeth, your guy has a sort of passive form of borderline personality disorder. So sell your house and get away from the abuser.

No, he makes it clear we're going with the flow and aren't committed age is the non-relationship, that is, when you're dating a guy and you're basically .. To top it all off, he started talking about driving lessons, never did for 5 years for my. If he is not sure after 5 years, he will never be sure. After 7 years of dating, my boyfriend who I dearly loved told me at a Well, he is not your so called boyfriend, because he is neither a boy(one who cannot keep his commitment is not a. How long should you remain in a dating relationship without it moving to engagement or serious commitment before giving up and breaking up? I personally know several couples who dated for five years or more and finally.

I know its hard I have been in the same situationbut you need to move on. Take your heart back and find someone who can treat it the good way in which it needs to be treated.

Liz, any time a guy tells you that you deserve better, believe him. Keep it moving, girlfriend. You can indeed do better. I would want a man with a job and car too so we both can split things equal, the dates, food etc.

From a guys point of view, sometimes us males like to get all our ducks job, career, life direction, etc in a row before taking on additional responsiblities wife, kids, etc. So much for soulmates and true love. Guys need time to line things up. Then get the girl.

Nurture focused on building up reserves of food and cloth, rather than just about direct love. To be themselves.

His friends, and mine. Not just two halves. Liz, your guy might also have some PTSD from his deployments which is making him feel unsure and mentally unstable. As a friend to him, see if he is willing to see a mental health professional as he might be suffering PTSD and might need to have therapy or meds.

And start with mg for the first few days 1 dropperfull and after a few days work up to mg 1 dropperfull in am and 1 dropperfull in pmthen after a few days work up to mg 2 droppers full in am and 1 in pm and then after a few days work up to mg which is the USRDA so 2 dropperfulls in am and 2 dropperfulls in pm. At this point, I would just see him as a friend and move on to date other guys. Something has happened to him in his brain to make him unsure of things eg anxiety and until he gets his anxiety treated he will be unsure anxious about everything and everyone.

So help him out if you can by suggesting these things, but take care of yourself and detach and force yourself to start dating others. People who are not right in the head for whatever reason will not be able to be a good romantic partner.

So take care of yourself and see that you stay right in the head, suggest counseling for him, and move on to others. Maybe after he gets some mental health treatment and supplements himself with magnesium and foods high in B complex and Folate, after a while he might get calm and sane enough again to see what a great girlfriend you would be for him.

So right now move on and date guys who can see what a great catch you are. Me and my friend joe have been intimate since july 23, I have met a lot of his friends,his parents and have spent time with him and his daughter which he has custody of. My roommate has caused arguements between us causing jealousy issues with me and joe. My roomate said joe had been hanging out with his x he broke up with a few months before we started dating.

I ignored it and then we were at a friend of his and she shows up. Both breasts removed and a total hysterectomy.

We got in a big arguement once and joe kept on saying he isnt anyones boyfriend I believe to hurt my feelings. We have went camping which was a very relaxing romantic night for both of us. A few wks later we got in another arguement and he told my roomate my texting him all the time irratates him.

So I stopped and left him alone. We are on speaking terms and he sometimes comes over watches tv with me and we end up having sex. I normally am the one to text him. About to let him go and just see where I stand. Lonely and scared. Girlfriend get with the program. I know guy from high school. He told me that he is crush on me since high school.

And he say he really like me. I thought of him like as friend. He really want me so badly. He and I started talked and text almost every day in past few months. He was asked me go out with him for drinking.

I went out with him. Nothing serious. Few month later. I decided invited him to come my house and its happen. I feel I should not first place with him. He text me and told me that he falling in love with me. So I decided go ahead to see him 2 times a day every weeks. We have good time. I have feeling for ready for relationship. I did asked him about relationship.

He is worried what they say to him and will hurt his feeling. Hr jave very sensetive feeling. This started month when I text him and he did not response back and sometime he text for short.

Its very less for him to text. He used text me all the timed. Whats happen? I feel what do i do? Should I stop text him and leave him alone?

Dating for 5 years and no commitment

He seem not want to see me anymore. I do want see him. O well. I decided to stop text him and move on. Being a single mother of four is not easy. But concentrate on your children and yourself. Men are like taxis. Another will come along. I have been with my BF for 4. He asked me to marry him without a ring. He told my mother when she asked him about making plans for our wedding.

In the fourth yr he agreed it was time for us to move in together my daughter too as I have her mon-fri. A half yr later he said moving in wasnt working for him. What on earth do I do??? Get out of there, get away from him, and get on with your life. I know that sounds cruel, but you have to do it to save your self esteem.

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