Hot & Cold: Here's Why Your Girlfriend Is Being Hot & Cold!
And at times we make eye contact several times during our workouts. So long story short today I decided to approach her and say hello. She and her guy friend never work out together. I waited till she was done with one of her sets and as she put down the weights I approached.
She had her ear phones on but as soon as she noticed me I said hi. She removed her earphones and I say hello again. She totally gave me the cold shoulder. I mean, I know when a girl is interested and she was sending all the right signals so why the cold shoulder when I finally decided to talk to her?
My story is, i know this girl for quite some time. We are not really friend, just sort of an acquaintance, but we chat from time to time, and liking each other Instagram post. I like her, but because of my lack of courage, and I was still sorting things out with my exI'm delaying from asking her out. And suddenly this girl is already in a relationship with another man.
Fast forward 1 year, the man cheat on her and she broke up with him. I know this is my chance, so i wait a couple of month for her to settle her mind. She said yes for going out, so we did go out for two times. And when I ask her out for the third time, suddenly she just stop replying my message. I was left at "read". So i thought, okay maybe I'm not her type, i accept that and move on. I can't really talk much with her during the wedding since she is busy handling the family, but in the after-party she act really close, touching and holding my hands.
The day after I chat her what's with the whole act, and she said she still hurt from the previous relationship and want to be friends first while taking it slowly getting to know me. I'm confuse whether I should still chasing after her, or she just playing with my heart, or I'm just a back-up while she looking for a better one.
I asked a question cause she told me to hit her up tonight. I didnt feel like going out so I said id love to see her but she just decided to ignore me. I wouldnt do that to her so why is it ok for her to do it? Hi ikmal, Women often need to process information in their own time, so her initially relaxed reaction to your news might not be an indication of how she was really feeling. Many women deeply analyse situations that men would not think twice about.
My guess from what you have said is that she has reacted negatively to whatever it was you confessed. I feel that perhaps she is wondering if she can trust you, and that she is hurt or disappointed by whatever you told her.
Of course, without knowing what it was, it's hard to give specific advice, but your confession to her is a private matter. Moving forward, I think you need to consider exactly what it is that you want from the relationship. Then approach her and let her know that you're sorry for hurting her and that that wasn't your intention. Be honest about what you see your future together to be, and if it matches what she wants, you may be able to regain her friendship.Why She Runs Hot & Cold
She seems okay at first. She said that she is not mad and she was okay but suddenly, she seems a little bit mad at me for no reason 4 days after the confession. She seems to be angry about something but I dont know what it is.
She suddenly seems being really emotional and said stop calling her shorty or something like that. And then she hides all her status and her profile pic of her whatsapp from me. So I want to ask, is she doing this because she doesnt like because of the confession or she just simply misunderstood about something? Or does she get angry for not making a move and giving her fake hope as I only said that I love her but doesnt make a move?
This is so confusing for me. Literally started doing this today. I understand why you have been frustrated with me heck even I would be frustrated with me lol so yer I get it now hopefully as I'm going out on a limb her but it's worth it x. Jenny from the bi, typical tart commentary here, it sounds like you pussy vibed this guy then ghosted him, you probably made unfavourable comparisons to your exes with him and crushed his spirit I know your type.
Hes nice to me one day then the next he completly ignores,avoids,wont even look at me if im in the same room. Crazy shit. Guys really suck sometimes. Actually you should give her 4 days alone and then take the initiative to open up communication if she is distancing herself.
Why is she hot and cold dating
If she really likes you, she just wants you to be a man and show you can be brave. Chances are you ignored her, hurt her and making her take the initiative just makes you look like a littor boy that will put all these responsibilities on her. Look at how women are being treated as if they must be the man. I feel sorry for what women go through and how much bs they put up with alone. I still miss someone I took for granted. I ignored her. She was great but I was speaking to another girl on the side.
Hooked up with the other girl, ignored the one that I truly cared about and she finally grew cold. The other girl broke up with me and now I regret it all.
I neeeed her she mostly laugh at my jokes and gives smile and and laugh even the jokes were not funny the whole class quits but she laughed loudly now I flirt with another girl so she started acting like a stranger why??? Yeah I have just been played and it sucks. Fell for a woman and she was just stringing me along until someone better more money comes along. Starting to wonder if everything she said to me was just one big lie i.
Then to just cut me off completely is such a c t move. Hi, right I split with my ex wife of 15 years 5 months ago, walked straight into something I wasnt ready for.
We chat, she invites me for coffee at her place, I go and we have a great time. Now I never had the bottle when we where young to say anything, we went our separate ways in life.
Now I thought crap she is going to laugh but it turns out she felt the same but wouldnt do anything as I was in a "relationship".
I said fine, what if I wasnt in a "relationship". What the hell is that about? We havent spoke for a couple of days, today I had my two girls, took them to the park with my young niece. We didnt even look at each other at the same time let alone say hello. Again what the hell, Im lost? Any ideas? My situation is a little different. I dated this girl 13 years ago. After we split I still kept in touch from time to time. For the last 3 years we both with other people I would stop in the bar she worked in from time to time to catch up.
She went through a bad break up about 5 months ago, the guy locked her out the house and threw all her clothes and belongings away. She was basically homeless. She called me one night to hang out and we started hanging out more and more.
She finally moved into an apartment and was trying to get herself straight. Things started to move into going out on dates, sleeping together and just having fun but there was still this kinda standoffish at times.
Finally we went to go eat at a really nice restraunt and had a great time keep in mind she is acting like we are together around friends and everywhere. I made a comment joking about taking a shower at her apartment how she might mind it which she thought was rediculas but it opened up a conversation as to how she feels.
This is what was said. I am physically ready but not mentally yet. I want to continue what we are doing. Then Bam don't hear from her for 2 days. I dont force her or blow her phone up.
Im going to a function se invited me to in 2 days. I guess my question is. When I am with her, Im with her, when im not I am doing my normal shit. So im in highschool and i've had a crush on this girl and we've been on the same bus since 4th grade. Starting 7th grade i've started having feelings for her and for a while I thought she was in to me too.
But starting like 4 days ago last monday I'm not sure if she's interested or not anymore. And it dosn't help that my friend sent a message to her on my phone on snapchat saying I like her like I was the one who sent it, and I'd never think she'd get it because she lost her phone, and I cant remember if those thing dissaper after 1 hr too or what.
But coincidencentally she found her phone about a week ago and im not sure if she saw the message, if she's playing hard to get, or generally is not interested. She's not being rude but she's just not been acting the same. Any help would be greatly appriciated. A little bit of background :english not my language, I'm a female in my late 20s she's 24 years-old a single lesbian ,we don't directly work together at the same job but have been in a professional relationship the last 4 months we barely know each other but I noticed that she talked to me differently she praised me a lot she touch my arm when ever she had the chance.
I'm lost but sure of one thing is that I don't want to hurt her. I'm stuck between "she's punishing you" and "she's playing you" they both sound about the same Thank you for this. I seem to repeat this same pattern but it's important to remember that if she's into me, she will let me know. If not, it's OK too. Hi Nick, I can't tell you what is going on in her head, but I honestly feel that you deserve to be treated better than this. Just guessing from your post, it seems that perhaps she enjoys the attention and attraction she feels from you, but is actively avoiding taking it any further.
It is hard because obviously you really like her, but there are plenty of women who would genuinely love to have a relationship with your nice self without the need to play games.
I don't believe you have done anything wrong, so don't doubt yourself. If pressed to give advice, I would say to distance yourself and move on. Easier said than done when you are emotionally invested, I know, but in the long run, I think you would be happier without her.
I'll try to keep it brief. Around 6 years ago I fell for one of my workmates, we quickly became best friends and everything we did was great. She had a boyfriend at the time, and I foolishly told her I had feelings for her. Long story short it became messy, she broke up with him and just at the point I thought I had her it all fell apart. When she got with a new guy it was too hard to so we fell out of touch.
Now 6 years later I noticed randomly she was always the top of my Instagram stories viewer list. Looking it up I found this person was likely the person who looks at your page the most, off given we haven't spoken in years nor does she interact with my posts. So I put a feeler out, and shot her a random message on Messenger. She took to it quickly, and for the next 5 weeks we were messaging daily, she'd send me pictures and tell me what she was up to. After a while we agreed to meet up, we talked till the early hours of the morning, and a few days lated we watched a movie on her bed where she was comfortable enough to fall asleep beside me.
She came around to my place a few times and always acted very happy around me, but being hurt before I was hesitant to make the first move hoping she'd give me a sign it's 'ok'.
When I left she said in hopeful tone 'We'll catch up again soon'? To which I replied 'Of course'. That was the last time I saw her, our messaging slowed over the following 2 weeks, though when I went overseas for a week ironically to detox the situation she was all over it again, always asking 'How my day was' and taking interest in my activities.
While overseas I asked her out to dinner, which she agreed, all seemed well. I arrived back this week and no messages, except for Wednesday - the day we were supposed to do dinner where she messaged to say she couldn't do it due to prior plans with her flatmate who was leaving for France seemed legitimate.
She agreed to reschedule, and we had a nice messenger conversation, same the following night where she apologized for talking a while to reply as I know she is really busy at the moment. On Friday morning I tagged her in a FB post of one of our 'in-jokes' - got no response.
Is your partner playing hot and cold? One minute you're high on the warmth of their attention, the next minute you're frozen out and left. The girl I'm dating is very hot and cold with me. Sometimes, she calls me 5 times a day and talks to me for hours, and, sometimes, I call her and she doesn't pick. If you're dating someone who runs piping hot and icy cold, you are not alone. With one hand she beckoned, with the other she warded off.
I messaged her just after working saying I was happy to have all my work done, and asked how her day was - seen but no reply. It's been 4 days and she hasn't attempted to communicate. She's started posting a few pictures of herself out and about to her Instagram account, I've not 'liked' any, nor attempted to communicate with her. I did notice she is back to the top of my viewer list - being one of the first people to view one of my posts within minutes yesterday she doesn't spend much time in Insta, but knows I put a lot of content on there.
I don't think there are any other guys involved, and she only a week ago seemed to really care and be interested in me. I don't think I did or said anything offense, I did ask to hang out a few times as it's been 3 weeks but surely that's no reason to start ignoring someone? Maybe I was too nice?? With all do respect any man who has even a modicum of self respect and simply disregard whats has been written in this article. It seems that this article is targeted towards younger peoplebut i will beg tour pardon and add something to it.
Within the dating sphere we as men have several built disadvantages. A number of them are that the current wave of dating websites and apps are directed towards women and not men. Also as men the cultural shift in the last 40 years has left the man having to fit dual roles in the social landscape.
To get more to the point we have been properly asked to more sensitive and more understanding. We have also been expected to continue to be the"man" in dating, we have been expected to actually make the pursuit of a woman that we may have an interest in. This article seems to be at least on the surface to be of an aid to men in their dating experiences. But i think the better advice for men going into dating as equals.
Have your own expectations and limits. Pursuing is fine up to a point where your own feelings are becoming damaged by the women you are pursuing.
In short treat women with the same respect that you yourself would expect, and if that doesn't happen then a man should know that it's time for a change. That was a really bad move. You should have stopped after the first "dirty message," IMO. If she was withdrawing already and obviously lukewarm after the first time, then you just scared her off with the follow up messages.
I'd back off entirely with the sexual stuff. You might be getting the signs and just not recognising them. While I'm not romantic enough to believe that everyone has a soulmate, I do think that absolutely everyone has qualities that other people are attracted to. From your comment alone, it seems to me that perhaps you are lacking confidence, and I can tell that you are unhappy with the situation. Do you have any female friends you could ask to see if they can spot a reason why women might not seem interested?
If not, maybe talk someone professional, as the anonymity can help. You are obviously intelligent which a lot of women like, and if you can enhance your attractive qualities, I think you'll find that women will notice. This is a helpful article, but totally academic for guys like me.
I never get signs of interest from women. In my entire life I'm 34no woman has flirted with me or shown the slightest interest in me even once - not in high school, college, grad school or the workplace. Guys who get signs from women - however temporary - are lucky.
Some of us just get to dream that a any woman will even acknowledge our very existence. I've known this girl for a few years now though we have yet to meet in person. Over the last year we've grown a lot closer and I've been her emotional support. She's shy and very self conscious. I started developing feelings for her and I believe she's developed feelings for me.
She used to always find reasons to message me and ask me questions about things etc. Over the last month she seems to have gone a bit cold and distant. We are business partners as well and she no longer asks for my input on things which she always used to do.
It all seemed to start when she took a trip on which I'm sure a few days were spent visiting her ex's parents. I'm not sure if her ex was around or not but I know something that she has not disclosed made her terribly upset when she arrived at her destination to the point where she was crying.
She has since returned and still seems a bit distant. She emphasized "pretty" just as I did above. Now her family friends are there staying with her for a week, she doesn't know that I figured out that those "family friends" are her ex's parents. We've been communicating on an app that allows me to see when she's read my messages.
She responds to some and just reads others. I don't message her a lot, I never have. Using that app I recently texted her a very dirty sexual text message telling her that she's driving me crazy and what I wanted to do to her.
She responded almost immediately with a bunch of embarrassed faced emojis saying she was surprised I had never given her any reason to think I was interested in her before and what I said to her seemed very out of my character and that she was happy about it, sent smiley faces, and told me not to worry.
After that it went back to her just reading some messages and not replying.
Why Do Women Act Hot and Cold?
So I tested the waters again and sent her another dirty sexual text about what I wanted to do to her. She just replied "Ha! So to test further I sent another dirty message and immediately after told her if she ever tires of me telling her what dirty thoughts I'm having when I look at her good or bad let me know and don't be afraid to tell me how she feels. She read it no response. So needless to say I'm still confused as to where she stands and I think her ex's parents visiting her may have something to do with it.
Any advice from a woman's perspective? So i've been dating this wonderful Japanese girl for a couple of months, we had our seventh date yesterday. She has a little girl, and doesn't get a sitter so she's with her daughter monday through thursday evening, then friday-sunday when her ex has custody she works nights at a restaurant and gets off at We've hung out either lunches or after she's off work.
Then she'll be very warm over text usually immediately afterward, and then go cold-ish. I know she's busy but she used to send me good mornings, and goodnights a lot more. We still text every day, but normally I initiate it now. When she's busy and doesn't have time or has to cancel plans she never has a counter offer. So i feel a little bit like i'm doing everything. Now that i'm writing this out it sounds like a conspiracy theory lol; but it's weird to me to feel stuck on square 1 after seven dates.
At one point she talked about me meeting her daughter and hasn't brought it up since. I make her laugh like crazy i do standup so it's not all that hard and I know she has fun, but part of me is exhausted from having the "hot first date" experience seven times in a row. This article is targeted to those in a new relationship. There should not be games after ten months, and I can understand your frustration. I think that if you are serious about staying with this woman, maybe you should get some professional relationship advice, as it is not good for you to be in this situation.
If a woman is deliberately playing games with you, I agree. However, I don't think it is always that simple. It is rare for a person to be without any insecurities, and often these are brought out when there is the potential for a relationship with someone really special.
I think that being understanding and reassuring at the onset of a possible relationship is the key. Once you have made it clear to her that you are interested in her and in having a relationship with her, the games should stop.
If they don't, then there most likely is most a problem. Tips for men and Lesbians. If a woman plays games with you. It's a red flag! She is not worth the headache or stress. Women like that are damaged, have low self-esteem, insecure, attention whores, need for control, etc.
I've been seeing her for 10 months and its always the same - hot for a few weeks - all lovey dovey then cold as ice. It drives me nuts. I am 15 and I had a really good friend in school for a few months but we both liked each other. It was really great and I could tell she really liked me but then we went for the holidays and didn't see each other for about 4 weeks and then on the first day back she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship and that being in a relationship stresses her out.
I didn't really believe that that is why she broke up with me and I assumed that after 4 weeks she had just lost interest in me but our friends say that she still likes me.
I no longer wince when I discover the human foibles present in me, an in everyone. Philosophers find their true perfection knowing the follies of humankind by introspection. I have three male friends, two in their 60's and one in his 70's one never married, two married only once for a very short timeframe, none has children who are lovely, giving people and who are romantic loners loaners? I thought of these friends while reading your article, as it seems to fit all three of them.
They all have been good friends to me, and they seem relatively satisfied with their lives. Thank you. Yes, I mean the double-meaning of loaners.
The essence of the blowing hot and cold psychology is to win your trust and always keep you He sweeps you off of your feet on the first date. A woman acting hot and cold means that she shows interest one minute and her for the first time, are on a first or second date, or are in a relationship with her.
Sometimes I've thought that it's selfish to be like that, what with so many people still looking for partners. But then I remember that a loanable friend is not a bad thing, a floater for when others want to borrow us. Relatively satisfied: I think a lot depends on having things you love to do. For decades, I felt incomplete when partnerless until I noticed that actually, my life is full enough with the select pursuits that have enriched me.
Thinking is one. It is stressful. BUT I find the thought of being alone for another 35 years depressing. No offense, but I have done the alone thing, casual dating thing, the married thing, the live together thing. I do want a relationship. And casual dating, not fulfilling. I think I understand. I know what it's like to find self-satisfaction boring or worse, terrifying.
If they're lonely too then maybe they can find each other. Though it's a gross generalization, I do suspect that unbonded loneliness can be harder for more women than men. That is sad. In my case, other interests upstaged partnership. The world is full of a number of things. I'm sure we should all be as happy as kings but whether queens can be as happy as kings, that's an open question in our transition from traditional marriage to whatever the heck is next.
Jeremy Sherman, Ph. Back - oldseaportinn.com. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. The Power of Boundaries Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. Once a Narcissist, Always a Narcissist? The Psychology of "OK, Boomer".
Chronic Illness and Post-Traumatic Growth. Jeremy E Sherman Ph. Intense ambivalence in romance. Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. There's open communication about their fear. Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement. A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement.
The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love. It's a way to feel love without getting hurt. But the partner, who's committed to playing safe, will never allow himself or herself to experience love. They'll toy at it, dipping their toes in and out of the water without ever getting wet. The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one.
It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength. But it's just the opposite - real power is the ability to maintain intimacy. Power and strength of this caliber have no fear of being honest and direct. Games are an ego default when being "real" feels too scary. Authenticity takes tremendous courage. Being open and honest is a gift that's born of inner confidence and self-worth. Here's where the tables turn in your favor.
Once you recognize this pattern, you've already gained your freedom from the automatic response instigated by your partner's game. Be direct. There's nothing to lose. Authentic communication reveals your partner's fears, allowing their concerns to be voiced and worked out while maintaining connection. Does your questioning meet hostility, defensiveness or resistance? If so, you've gained valuable information. This is a partner who's in the game for an ego boost and doesn't possess the skill set required for a relationship with you.
Cut your losses and walk away. Your time's better spent with someone who is capable of honesty, intimacy, and consistent behavior. After questioning, does your partner react with concern or guilt?
Do they reveal their inner conflict? If so, then you may have stumbled upon a highly sensitive and fearful individual. Evaluate your partner carefully. Do they have the capacity for trust? Do they want to explore the possibility of a relationship with you? These are easy questions to ask when you know what you want and what you deserve.
One minute she seems to like you, and the next, she doesn't. This article Why Women Act Hot and Cold: 7 Reasons Why She Is Suddenly Ignoring You. ated .. Pity the poor guy who runs into you in the dating scene. I can still remember how I felt several years ago when I was dating a guy who was hot and cold. On our first date, he took me to a really nice. We all know a prowler; a person who's hot and cold when it comes to after man says his granddad has died - before asking if she is single.